Putting children first when two adults separate is something that comes naturally doesn’t it?

Well, we can try but there’s nothing we can do about the other person.

We plan to do the right thing and stay calm in front of the children because we know that it’s the right thing to do, but then find that we end up in the same old argument that feels oh-so-familiar because the other person knows exactly what buttons to push, and deliberately winds us up.

Afterwards, we go over it time and time again in our heads and it just feels so predictable and inevitable; there’s nothing we can do that will make a difference, so why should we even bother to try?

The negative impact of unresolved conflict on children can affect them in school and at home. Parents often think that their children aren’t affected and are fine, but scratch below the surface and you will often find that children feel torn and stuck in the middle.

They can respond in different ways; some children will want to please and say different things to each parent, or their behaviour might change at home or at school. They might even think that the conflict is their fault.

It’s important not to think that you have to be the perfect parent every time and feel guilty if you get it wrong sometimes. The important thing is to learn from your mistakes and aim to be a “good enough” parent. Our next blog will give you some hints and tips on how to do that.

If you have things that you need to discuss and want to use mediation to help you, contact us at mediation@tvedwards.com or 020 3440 8000, and make an appointment to see one of our trained and qualified family mediators.

#childrenfirst